Astonishingly enough, Lindsay Lohan has somehow managed to keep herself out of the headlines of late, probably because she has been busy riding the gravy train in the form of her fiancee, Russian bajillionaire Egor Tarabasov. However, when you’re talking about Lindsay Lohan, you’re never more than a few clicks away from a complete and utter meltdown of meth-fueled drama, and this past weekend, that appears to have taken place.
Apparently the troubled actress started her campaign of neediness last Friday night in a snapchat post which she eloquently titled, “ET Come Home.”
I know, right!?
Here is the initial snapchat message.
My fiancé’s being really angry at me, but I’m drinking water to get him to come home. Honey, come home, please.
Hmmm. I’m pretty sure that Tarabasov wouldn’t be angry at Lohan because he thought that she wasn’t hydrating properly, so the only other read that I can possibly get on this strange and succinct snapchat is that perhaps Madame Lohan has maybe been hitting the bottle again, much to Tarabasov’s dismay, and she has retaliated by filling her “water bottle” with actual “water.”
Alas, it didn’t end there. On Saturday, Lohan moved on to that other social media platform that celebrities so love to use to air their dirty laundry – Instagram.
“I guess art is whatever you make it”… I’m pretty sure that’s a Cher lyric, and Lohan could have almost played-off the sort of bunny boiler creepiness of the whole post if she had kind of played this artsy-artsy angle and let it be that, but as she always does, she persisted.
I guess I was the same at 23… Shitty time- it changes at 26/27 @e2505t thanks for not coming home tonight. Fame changes people
Okay…yes. Right. Fame changes people…yes, that post would have been all well and good, but then things really started to take a turn for the worse. I think at this point, it’s safe to go ahead and assume that Lohan was hitting her “water bottle” pretty hard. And that line – “I was the same at 23″…is Egor really only 23? Because Lohan is 30! Yeah, this was officially beginning to look worse and worse by the minute.
And that’s when she really started her campaign of awkward neediness.
Wow thanks #fiance with Russian hooker @dasha_pa5h
That’s when she dropped the Russian hooker bomb. Apparently @dasha_pa5h is Dasha Pashevkina, the accused “Russian hooker”, whose personal email address and home address Lohan was kind enough to publish in a separate post. Thankfully, Lohan eventually had the good sense to take that particular post down (perhaps when the contents of her “water bottle” wore off). Whatever Pashevkina did or didn’t do, nobody deserves to have their personal deets strutted all over social media like that. Pashevkina did however cancel her Instagram account. In fact, if you type that user handle in to Instagram now, pictures of Lindsay Lohan come up.
*raises eyebrows and takes a sip of “water”
Speaking of Lohan, she didn’t stop there. In fact, she was nowhere near finished.
It’s legal if you’re selling yourself and not a Russian from #moscow right my baby @e2505t
Lohan then posted a short video clip of Egor standing at a club, talking to some guys. She deleted the video soon thereafter, but by all accounts, there was nothing very risqué about the video. Except perhaps the caption that Lohan herself wrote.
Home? First time in my life- bare with me/ he cheated on me with hooker #meangirls#meanboysu b
“Bare” with me? Granted, she will have been on the “water bottle” for a few hours now, but rumor has it that the most offensive thing about the deleted video post was Lohan’s spelling.
But that wasn’t even the final assault. Lohan went on to craft this rather portentous piece of unintelligibility.
You’re suits are As only as myself, Roman and and tags ahi. Wiggins v
What. The. Heck.
If anyone reading this can translate this, please make yourself known. It should also be noted that Lohan’s Instagram followers had an equally difficult time with this one, and requested a translation.
Portentous unintelligibility notwithstanding, Lohan then decided that it was time to take things up another notch, and moved over to Twitter, where she posted the following.
What is perhaps the saddest thing of all about this post is that there has been just about zero internet response to it. Everyone who has ever even heard of Lindsay Lohan looked at that Tweet and thought, “well, that’s not true”, and just sort of moved on with their day. What is also interesting is that when I tried to find a lot of the Tweets from the weekend, they have just about all been deleted, and have been replaced with this.
